While attending the 20th Anniversary of the ALDAcon in Chicago, LaRonda shares an epiphany or self-realization of her evolution from an “early” Late-Deafened person to an individual with a healthy Deaf identity. (Transcript below)
Transcript:
Hello! I’m here in Chicago! Yes, Chicago! Whoo! I’m in my fancy hotel room. It’s really nice. I’m here for the ALDA conference (ALDAcon). ALDA stands for the Association of Late-deafened Adults.
I knew about this organization many years ago, but this is my first time, this year, to attend an ALDA conference. This year is ALDA’s 20th anniversary! ALDA has grown quite large over this time period. It has become a big organization that has endured 20 years! That says a lot about this organization.
Well, you know me. I grew up hearing and became Deaf at the age of 17. I struggled with my identity for many years. Who was I? Deaf? Hard of Hearing? Late-Deaf? Hard-Of-Deaf? (Ha!) There were a variety different labels I tried on for size.
I guess I eventually found my identity later in my journey, past the depression and grief, and after all the personal processing. But eventually, I discovered a healthy identity in the Deaf world. I tend to label myself Deaf and I sign “Deaf” over my heart. In my ears and heart, I am Deaf.
However, I do still have the experience of growing up hearing and becoming Deaf later in my life. So I finally decided to come to an ALDA Conference to see what this organization was about. To my surprise, I’ve had an awakening. An epiphany! I found myself feeling like a stranger in a strange land! I did not expect that! It was quite a surprise for me.
Let me explain more about what I mean.
I looked around the ALDAcon and saw people with Cochlear Implants and hearing aids. I expected to see that since many people still depend on their residual hearing and use their voice to speak, talk and lipread. I expected that too. Interestingly though, there were a lot of Late-deafened people who were using sign language (not fully ASL, but more sign supported communication). That was cool! I did not expect that! 
But, I found myself doing a lot of sim-com (simultaneous communication) using both signs and voice, which surprisingly, felt odd for me. I spent 5 days here. Whoo! It feels like a long time to sign and voice at the same time. Hmmm…. I recognize that my identity has truly shifted. And oddly enough, I found myself thinking, “Am I Late-deaf enough?” Kind of a shocking thought. “Do I fit in with ALDAns, these Late-deafened people, as a group?”
I did not expect these kinds of thoughts to pop up into my brain.
Many times, I have asked myself, “Am I Deaf enough? Will culturally Deaf people accept me even if I became Deaf later in life?” But now, I’m asking the opposite question. As I sit around these large circular tables, watching all these people using their voices to communicate, I realize I feel different. “Am I Late-deaf enough?” Whoo! What a hoot! It’s an awakening for me.
What’s really cool though is ALDA’s philosophy, or their motto, rather. Their motto is: “Whatever works, works.” That’s so cool. It’s kind of like the Total Communication philosophy. If lip-reading works, go for it. If signing works, great! If writing or gesturing work, that’s great and fine too! Anything is okay and anything can be used. That’s cool. I like that philosophy.
At the same time, there was a little bit of…. er…. how do I say this? I’m still shocked from the experience. Let me explain the story…
I happened to sit at a table with maybe a group of 8 people… well wait, let me go back a bit more….
When I first went into the big hall, I looked around to see where I would sit. I noticed some people off in the back chatting in ASL, so I went over to their table and sat down. Those ASL chatters were actually the vendors who had booths at the ALDAcon. Seeing their ASL drew me near and I easily joined in their conversations. It’s interesting. I found myself drawn to them… (messes up signs) UGH! My signs are off! See?! I’ve been using sim-com (signing with English on the lips). I’m thrown off! Ack! What I meant is that I was drawn to these people who sign. (Wow! Ok. Eh-hem… anyway…)
There was one woman who sat next to me. She didn’t sign, so she wrote something to me on a piece of paper. It said, “I’m jealous that you can have a conversation across the table with such ease. How do you do it?”
I looked at and read her note and wrote back with a smile, “Learn ASL.” The woman smiled, blushed, rolled her eyes and said, “Oh.” It was kind of obvious that this woman was not ready to learn ASL. She didn’t seem to want to learn ASL. Well, I continued chatting with her anyway, using my voice and signs. She seemed satisfied with me using both methods. She even asked me about a few signs and I taught her a few. She would smile, but really the two of us were not able to have much of a conversation, just a little, because it was hard for me to lip-read her. It was a lot of work and quite difficult. I found it so easy and comfortable chatting in ASL with the guys across the table.
A little bit later, that same woman who was sitting next to me wrote a longer note and passed it across the table to the vendors using ASL. She tossed the paper toward one man. He took it and read it, smiled politely, then shared it with his Deaf peer sitting next to him. That man also read the note and looked up at his friend and smiled. Then the two of them politely got up and left the table. I watched them leave, but wondered where they were off to.
The woman next to me sat there with a smug smile. I looked at her, then looked at the guys, then looked back at her in curiosity. Then I told her I was curious about what she had written. She said, “Oh!” and happily passed me her note. As I read it, I felt incredible shocked! Dumbfounded! The note said, “Excuse me. Please don’t sign. Your signs are very distracting!” I was at a total loss for words.
Inside, I felt pissed off. Really pissed off. This woman had NO IDEA about the language of deaf people or their right to have conversations in their native language. In fact, the way we were sitting around the table, with the men sitting in back of the woman, signing in her blind view as she was turned the other way watching the speakers and CART display on the screen, those vendors using ASL did not really distract her. She was looking the other way and their signs were practically in back of her head. It wasn’t distracting.
I think what the woman really felt was embarrassment about the people using ASL at her table. I think she felt that she didn’t fit in with this group. It was something to be aware of. It was important for me to understand where this woman was coming from and how she felt, yet inside, I felt angry. She knew nothing about Deaf people or their right to use their own language and communication. Still, I had to realize where I am. I am here at the ALDA Conference. Hmmm…. It’s a different place. I feel a little bit like a stranger in a strange land, but that was my land a long time ago! Hmmm…
Why did I not walk that path? Why did I chose the Deaf way? Why? Hmmm… It makes me wonder and reflect. I was just 17 when I became Deaf. Yes, I struggled and grieved for several years, but when I became skilled in ASL, I tossed the hearing aids, decided not to get a Cochlear Implant, and felt just fine. I communicated in ASL smoothly. It was fine and easy for me. Ironically, using ASL was a way to stay connected to my hearing world through interpreters. With their help, I have easy access. Hmmm…
Anyway, I found myself asking this profound question:
“Am I Late-deaf enough?”
Hmmm… what a twist! Wow!
Bye (ILY Wave)
My name is LaRonda Zupp.
I am Deaf. Welcome to
"The Ear of My Heart."
First of all, thank you. I’ve talked with many other late-deafened people who said the same thing about realizing just how much easier and better their lives were with ASL (but of course, each to his own). And your signing is just beautiful.
But that note by the woman – simply wrong. ALDA or not. Had I been there, I would have been less than polite. Argh! The woman probably wouldn’t have changed her mind no matter how much you educated her, anyway.
Thank you for sharing again. Eye-opening.
Left by TS on November 7th, 2008
Hi Laronda –
Very interesting vlog! You made me laugh with that interesting question, “am I ‘late-deafened’ enough?”
I think your experience shows how your Deafhood journey has progressed. You went from that mourning of Hearing identity to “disabled” identity to a healthy acceptance of being a whole Deaf person.
I also find it interesting that you observe this change did not happen until you learned ASL. Seems to me that it indicates it is not just being around other Deaf (but Oral?) people that is the key to developing a fully healthy Deaf identity, but ASL and its potential for allowing full, unfettered access to communication and the Hearing communit(ies) around us.
I definitely will be thinking more on your experience at ALDA.
Left by Don G. on November 7th, 2008
Wow. That’s classic audism. I wouldn’t have left the table. I would’ve thought to myself quite impolite thoughts, then write back to her, “Then feel free to leave the table. We have the right to have a conversation just like everyone else here.”
Left by A Deaf Pundit on November 7th, 2008
I’m really upset by that woman. I cannot believe!! SHE wasn’t following ALDA’s policy of “whatever works. . .” I have been in so many situations with other late-deafened. While it’s true many are not ready to learn ASL, I’ve never been told that it’s distracting. I think you are right about that woman. SHE felt left out.
I could tell you I think it’s much easier to merge into Deaf culture when you become completely Deaf at a young age. Once you’ve got your career, a non-signing family and children and several decades of hearing friends, it’s hard to suddenly switch. Though there are times I think I would if I could– if everyone I worked with learned ASL, if my entire family did. . .
Then again, today many young people have choices you didn’t have when you were seventeen. I personally LOVE ASL. Still shaking my head over that woman. Glad I wasn’t there. I would have probably lost my temper at her. Nice post. Really a wake up call to be reminded there are people like that among us.
Left by kim on November 7th, 2008
WOW… yeah.. what a twist! I’ve always enjoyed watching your video since you take negative situations and make them positive. But I see another side here where jealousy of an individual was allowed to rule. Too bad the other two people using ASL left the table. I think the woman’s rudeness should have been ignored. If she was that bothered and embarassed, she should have left the table. Is there a better way to handle situations like this? Why instead are we asking ourselves if we fit in? Didn’t you just say the ALDA motto is “Whatever works, works.”? We all make choices in life, some good, some bad but we shouldn’t make others feel their choices are bad when the reality is our own choices aren’t good enough.
Left by Hershey on November 7th, 2008
I don’t know how you kept your cool. My gut instinct would have been to rip the note up but like you said she felt left out. I can see why you felt like a stranger in a strange land. It was like walking into your childhood home seeing it renovated. I am not late deafened but I was taken aback by the amount of signing that was going on. Because I thought, well if they were late deafened they would be using their voice but then the ones that signed can’t benefit from a CI, nor do they want one or lack the insurance. I thought that very cool. The total communication access was something that I really loved. Actually, I found myself removing the CI just so I can converse in sign with lip reading. I felt that it went pretty smoothly.
It was so wonderful meeting you LaRonda, I sincerely hope our paths cross in the future!
Left by Abbie on November 7th, 2008
Wow!
That goes to show that ignorance and rudeness can exist anywhere, within any individual or group. I’m sure (I hope) that she doesn’t represent all late deafened people as a whole; I don’t generalize so I assume that she does not. Based on what you said what their philosophy is, they seem pretty inclusive, but she seems hateful and spiteful. Nasty woman! She probably scares and chases many people away (to the detriment of the organization) just because she as an individual is prejudiced.
Unfortunately, that woman interfered with other people’s right to speak just because she didn’t know ASL. That’s like the racist who interferes with the rights of others (even threatening them) and discriminates against others; that’s like some hearing people who act as if deaf, hard of hearing and Deaf people have no rights. If we all want to be honest, that’s also like some Deaf individuals who reject others because they are not “Deaf enough” or whatever.
What a shame; I wish those Deaf men had wrote her a note back and told her “don’t look then” if she was so bothered by the signs. It’s interesting how she didn’t show you the note first; I’m surprised you had to ask her what happened. I’m more baffled that she seemed comfortable with her extraordinary rudeness that she showed it to you! I think she was sending you a message indirectly. The coward!
In my opinion, she discriminated against those who used sign and ASL (including you and those Deaf men).
It’s interesting how you seemed to have went out of your way to communicate with her but she was trying to stop others from communicating with each other. Shame on her!
That is a good message and example of how we all should stop rejecting each other like that; we can’t communicate that way (regardless of whether we’re hearing, deaf, Deaf or hard of hearing; whether we sign, are oral, use ASL, write on paper, gesture or lip read to communicate; whether we use hearing aids, have cochlear implants, a combination of the above, none of the above or all of the above.)
Left by Learning ASL on November 7th, 2008
Hi LaRonda!
Glad you got to experience what it’s like to be part of convention. I love their motto, whatever works.. because it is very true. If that works for you, great.. go for it! But doesn’t mean it will work everyone else.
But.. dammit! How dare that woman wrote a letter to two deaf guys about their signing was distraction. Hmm, if it was me.. I would have wrote right back saying we are here to stay so if we are bothering you, feel free to leave. I’m surprised that they got up and walked away, that is very polite, ha ha.
But then again, what happened to ALDA’s motto about whatever works? I’m confused… well interesting how you had to face because I am sure it was a bit awkward because you sat next to her.
I heard ALDA will be in Seattle next year so maybe I can check into it and see if I want to attend just to experience what you have experienced.
Hugs
-SG
Left by Seek Geo on November 7th, 2008
Hi. LaRonda it was good to see you at ALDAcon. I often wondered why you hadn’t attended before. ALDA is my 2nd family since I became deaf at the age of 21. I want to assure you that the woman you mentioned is not representative of ALDA members in general. The actual correct philosophy is “Whatever works!”, I’m not sure how a second “works” ever got added. This means that whatever method of communication you use, others in ALDA respect that. Whether its lipreading, note writing, signing or speaking. We all make a conscious effort to communicate. I know you had fun (you joined me on stage at Karaoke after all) so I wish you also mentioned how much fun you had in spite of that one incident. Also, did you enjoy the workshops? These are also a great resource for ALDAcon attendees who are usually lost and searching for help/answers. As you probably noticed, I. King Jordan, Bob Davila and Alan Hurwitz were all there and make an effort to come almost every year. They know how important ALDA is as a resource of support and social interaction for late-deafened adults (the definition is anyone who lost their hearing after learning to speak or growing up in the traditional hearing world). I also recognize myself as not the “traditional ALDA member” since I also am very involved with the Deaf community but usually sign more sim-com / CASE. I also gravitate towards others who sign at ALDAcon..but also make an effort (as a past president of ALDA) to meet the newcomers and welcome them to ALDA whether or not they sign. Thanks for your post. Let’s hope that woman someday learns to really practice “Whatever works!” I hope to see you at ALDAcon in the future.
Left by Ken Arcia on November 7th, 2008
Hi Ken.
I did have a good time. indeed. I wanted to assure you that I will be posting more vlogs on the positive aspects of ALDA in the days ahead. I just wanted to share my own personal insight into my own journey first, but I will definitely add that ALDA had terrific things going on. Stay tuned!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on November 8th, 2008
A great story, LaRonda. I am glad you had a good time there, though it felt somewhat different for you. I can identify that as that’s how I felt when I went to AGBell Association years later after I joined Deaf Community. I had a great time, yet it was not the same.
I winced about the woman. Was she that clueless? She was very insensitive .I would feel very bad for these guys, and anger, too I wish these gentlemen didn’t get up and leave, but tell her she is free to go elsewhere if she feels uncomfortable as the ALDA philosophy is Whatever Works. I would ask her why she is so uncomfortable with ASL when it is a visible and beautiful language.
Left by Mishkazena on November 8th, 2008
Hi LaRonda,
It’s a bummer about the communication experience– I just wonder if perhaps the two guys were conversing during a time when someone was speaking at the podium and the CART was going– which would be akin to someone chatting in the middle of a movie– same kind of distraction? Just pondering!
I’m still wishing I could have had more time with you at ALDA!
I remember my first ALDA conference– I, too, had found myself a part of the Deaf Community at that time and less of an identity with ALDA–but, it was so interesting for me to revisit what I had felt when I became deaf and see it cropping up among others who were taking that journey for the first time. I felt as though I could empathize because I do remember the sense of loss and adjustment.
Left by Karen Putz / DeafMom on November 9th, 2008
[...] it with a lot of anger. I suspect that was the problem with the woman who asked people at LaRonda’s table to stop signing at the ALDA Con. Perhaps she was frightened by the prospect of being in an [...]
Left by Face me, I read lips on November 11th, 2008
It’s obvious that the individual is at the comparison stage of the identify transformation scale. While this person recognizes that hearing loss is here to stay, the though of being deaf is still unacceptable, thus, the preference for an organization that fundamentally exists to encourage individuals to cope with life by using as much of residual hearing as they have left instead of seeking alternate ways to cope.
Nevertheless, I see her coming to ALDAcon as evidence that she is moving towards acceptance because if the other organization served her needs, she would not have been at the conference. As ambassadors to ALDA’s values, ALDAns need to jump on these opportunities be showing individuals who are searching for a place that manual communication (survival signs, signed English, or ASL) does help comprehension and is not all that difficult to learn when one puts this mind to it.
What I do when someone expresses similar sentiments is to show them how to do a few signs (e.g., mom, dad, water, eat, fun, boring, etc.) as an introductory step and hope that they take another step down the road of acceptance. These individuals need self-help and ALDA should to go back to offering that. It’s what had set ALDA apart from SHHH (now HLAA) and the other hearing loss and deafness organizations.
Miguel
Left by Miguel Aguayo on November 11th, 2008
LaRonda,
I am sorry we did not have a chance to meet at ALDAcon but I wanted to tell you that I totally feel what you said in your Blog/Vlog. I’ve always been a big advocate of ‘whatever works.’ No size fits all, bottom line. I am a proud member of NAD, AGBell, Hands & Voices and ALDA. They all have something to contribute! They all may be different in their philosophies but the important thing here is that they have helped deaf or hard of hearing people improve their lives. Who are we to judge one particular organization or group if it has helped others suceed? Not long ago in Milaukwee I was going back and forth between the DBC center and the booth I was running (myVCO for CSDVRS) at the AGBell conference. A very interesting experience, no doubt because I felt ties to both places. We will not make progress in the Deaf community if we enroach on each other’s potential development just because of ignorance/bias/politics. Bridging all the groups together is a dream of mine. What’s stopping us from doing that?
Basically I feel as if I’m standing in the ‘doorway of both worlds’ – hearing and deaf. I was brought up orally, did not learn sign language until I was 16. I have a cochlear implant (but do not use it – long story), hearing aid and speak/lipread/sign well. The only thing I am embarassed to say that I do not know is cued speech! Other than that, I can communicate with anyone with a lot of ease. A terrific position to be in, no doubt.
Keep those wonderful blogs/vlogs coming – I am proud of you! And yes, you are to be commended for keeping your cool with that lady handing you that note – personally I would have thought seeing/catching people pass notes back and forth all over the table would be MORE distracting than signing!
Hope
Left by Hope on November 11th, 2008
Hi LaRhonda!
It was SO nice to meet you in Chicago! (welcome to my region!)
I’m sorry about what happened to you. It’s happened to me also. I was signing with Karen Putz’s sister at a hearing aid bill meeting at Hinsdale HS. Same thing. Someone got distracted. I think anyone that is “distracted” is someone that doesn’t understand the beauty of ASL. I just started signing since last year, and I LOVE it. I’ve been improving everytime I hang out with those that sign. (I have all hearing friends) I so love coming to ALDA convention..because I can be ME and learn from others! I hope to see YOU in Seattle! email me..(my email address is in the ALDAcon program book) Kim Mettache
Left by Kim Mettache on November 12th, 2008
Hello – I’m familiair with the “not deaf enough” saying – since my son is hard of hearing and we had(sometimes have) trouble getting his needs met (or sometimes even getting folks to believe he HAS a hearing loss and deserves some considerations for it).
Your question of being ‘late-deafened’ enough?” put a new twist in there… LOL
I can not believe the woman at your table would ask them to stop signing. Simply unbelievable.
I’m enjoying your blog… and looking forward to reading more.
debcny
Left by debcny on November 25th, 2008