Tonight, I’m remembering a time when I went with my husband to his high school class reunion. I was the only deaf person there among the throngs of hearies chatting away, sharing memories foreign to me, of times gone by. I stood quietly and patiently to the side of my husband most of the evening, smiling when others smiled, laughing when others laughed, bluffing my way through most of the evening.
To me, what was said wasn’t as important as how people touched, behaved and looked at one another. There was another level of communication going on well beneath the words. Even though I could not hear what people were saying, I had a deeper sensitivity to their actions, body language and facial expressions that gave a wealth of information beyond what was merely spoken. As a deaf person, I actually felt like I had an inside view because I had learned to listen differently. I believe that deaf individuals are a much more intuitive species, and hearing people often seem amazed when we are able to perceive and reflect unspoken feelings behind their words.
Throughout the evening, my husband friends often commented on my eyes. Some were attracted to their ocean-blue color, while others made comments about their apparent depth. I think, without realizing it, they were intrigued more by my persistent and direct eye contact than by their hue or measure. Unaccustomed to such intense gazing, it was mesmerizing for them; perhaps bordering on hypnotic. Some may have even mistaken my persistent stares as flirtatious, but the eyes I had that evening was for my one and only. Seeing how much Brent was still loved and admired by his old friends, and how gracious, gentle and loving he was to them, I found myself falling deeply in love with him all over again.
That evening, Brent did something I will never forget. In the middle of a conversation, he cut off his friend in mid-sentence, grabbed me by the arm and swirled me over to the grassy area where a few people had been dancing to the band playing there. I could not hear the music, and it was dark enough that I could not see the drummer well to follow the rhythm of his beat. I was slightly embarrassed as all eyes seemed to be upon us. By then, most of my husband’s friends knew that I was deaf. Perhaps they were curious at how I could follow along and dance to silence. I felt their eyes upon me in anticipation and wonder. How would the deaf girl dance?
My husband, Brent, gently turned my face toward his to stop my slight nerves at being watched. He told me to read his lips, and he began to privately sing me the words to the song as he lead me across the grass in slow, steady movements. Within moments in his arms, I began to relax. I found myself lost in the light of his eyes.
He told me that every time he has heard that particular song, it had made him think of me. I was enchanted and had no idea. I have never heard the song before as it came out many years after I had become deaf. I could remember some of the songs before 1981, even though I could no longer hear them, but, any songs after that year were pretty much lost on me. However, this particular song will live in my memory forever. As my husband sang it to me, I floated in the pool of my own light reflected from my lover’s gaze, and we danced on cloud 9.
The song was called “Wonderful Tonight,” by Eric Clapton. My husband said each time he had heard it, no matter where he was, or what he was doing, he had thought of me. That night, the words could not be more fitting as it told our story of getting ready for this class reunion, and of the reassurance of the love he had for me then. The lyrics go like this:
Wonderful Tonight
by Eric ClaptonIt’s late in the evening;
she’s wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, “Do I look all right?”
And I say, “Yes, you look wonderful tonight.”We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that’s walking around with me.
And then she asks me, “Do you feel all right?”
And I say, “Yes, I feel wonderful tonight.”I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you.It’s time to go home now and I’ve got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, “My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight.”
As we danced around the grass, I was lost in the moment. My love and I had been together for many years then, and the love was still as strong and as enchanting as the summer of 1982 when we first met and fell in love. The romance I felt that evening is forever etched into my memory. In my husband’s glistening eyes, I felt tremendously beautiful that night. In his eyes, I always feel beautiful. I’ve been wonderfully lucky in love.
Eyes really are the windows of our soul. How fortunate we are as deaf people to be given the intuitive keys to see beyond words or sound, and to look for what lies deeply within others. Oh, the wonder of it all….
My name is LaRonda Zupp.
I am Deaf. Welcome to
"The Ear of My Heart."
[...] [...]
Left by DeafPulse.com - the one-stop pulse for all Deaf-related news and blogs. on March 24th, 2008
Wow! What a romantic story like dancing with the love of your life.
Left by Lisa C. on March 25th, 2008
Hiya LaRonda –
WOW – your stories took me back to where you were, and I could see you & your husband dancing, and talking, and your eyes among so many friends talking/laughing/smiling…I felt I was behind you watching all this.
That song your husband picked for you………..is………PERFECT!!!!
Left by B.A.D. on March 25th, 2008
Ohhh sweet!
Left by deafKathy on March 25th, 2008
Sweet! We deaf/hoh tend to use our eyes a lot and I’ve been told they tend to be hypnotizing! I guess we all need to be careful who gaze at, at times!
Left by Candy on March 25th, 2008
Oh, So sweet!! So sweet!
Deaf Pixie
Left by Deaf Pixie on March 25th, 2008
What a lovely story. Your marriage meant to happen for best or worse, healthy or sick, deaf or hearing, so on. I hat-tip your husband for being a great husband to you! You wouldn’t be around if he’s not doing great.
Left by Judge on March 25th, 2008
You are a beautiful soul which touched many hearts, including mine.
(((HUGS)))
Julie
Left by Julie Rems-Smario on March 25th, 2008
Alot of what you just said sounds familiar. I was once told by a shoe salesman (of all people!) that he could spot a deaf person BY THE LOOK IN THEIR EYES. Always seeking, forever searching — for clues to make their communication a little easier.
Awhile back, a new neighbor asked us over to join them, along with their church group for a bar b que. The lady of the house asked my husband, “WHAT IS SHE LOOKING FOR?!” (Meaning me and my wandering gaze). Actually we had been in that house many times before when another couple had owned it and I was looking around to note all the changes that had been made, that was all. And being the only deaf person in a large group of hearies, I had to find SOMETHING to do while everyone else chattered and laughed! Later on, this same woman asked my husband if I WAS DRUNK! My balance is extremely poor, much worse than most deafie’s I know and this woman chose to think negitive and consider me drunk. ~~Sigh~~
Awhile later, I came across an article on the Internet somewhere explaining why many deaf persons have a poor balance, plus a few other culturally important tidbits that I felt my neighbor needed to know, so I forwarded this information to their email address!! The woman’s HUSBAND asked me for an explanation, so I told him.
I have not felt warm and fuzzy about this couple since!
Lantana
Left by Lantana on March 25th, 2008
It’s so lovely! And How fortunate you shared with us, thank you
for bringing a million of smiles in Deafread!
Left by Deb Ann on March 25th, 2008
That is so beautiful of what your husband did. It’s like he grab you and took you into your and his own world on the dancing floor (around the grass). Everything outside doesn’t matter. They can disappear into the abyss and you guys wouldn’t even notice it. Very romantic and very much in love that I can read that you both have for each other.. Great marriage is that..
Left by Fairlady on March 25th, 2008
I love this post.
Brought memories back– my husband and I have a song that we share, Billy Joel’s “Just the Way You Are.”
Left by Karen Putz on March 25th, 2008
This is a beautiful post! Your husband sounds like a wonderful, sweet man. How lucky you are. ~Kim
Left by kim on March 25th, 2008
LaRhonda, Wow. What a wonderful, wonderful husband you have! That kind of thoughtfulness in a spouse is a treasure! (My husband last danced with me back in April, 2001, so yes, I envy you! ha ha)
Lantana, I read your 3/25/08 comment. I am so grieved to read about that experience for you with your neighbors at their bar b que. So many hearing people really have no idea at all of what Deaf means. I hope that the wife was, in her way, just trying to understand. But I can tell the biggest hurt was because she seemed to wonder if you’d had too much alcohol. (shaking my head) Did you know, even police sometimes do that to diabetics if they are going into “insulen shock”?…..diabetic people who need medical attention have been thrown into jail to “sleep it off”. I am not excusing the woman, really just pitying her lack of experience and bad manners. For the rest of us “hearies” (I can hear, yes, but I am lucky to have friends who are Deaf too), I hope you will not attribute this couple’s lack of understanding and rude behavior to the rest of the world. I am very glad you tried to give them some information, because they really are clue-less. Because, like it or not, the best teachers on Deafness are the Deaf themselves. Thanks for your patience with the rest of us. (smile) ~~~ Alana
Left by Alana on March 25th, 2008