Transcript:
Hi.
You know, I am fascinated with Human Development. Recently, I’ve been watching my son, who is now in the 6th grade. Everyday that he grows, he becomes more and more independent, which is cool.
Watching him has made me reflect on some of the education I received in college when I was studying to become a Counselor. I specifically recall learning about three different stages of development. These three key stages were:
- Dependence
- Independence, and
- Interdependence.
Let’s look at the first stage, Dependence. Imagine when a baby begins to crawl. That baby knows he can successfully go from point A to point B by slowly crawling all the way. Yet, that baby still has limited thinking. He has not yet developed the ability to see the big picture. He does not yet realize the possibilities that exist! If he could only stand up, walk or run, what a difference it would make in his life! But babies still have limited vision. They seem satisfied with their limited abilities. Unfortunately, they are working harder than necessary! Babies are not yet aware that there is, in fact, an easier way!
Then those babies grow up and become more and more Independent, like my son. He seems to know now that he does not need to depend on other people so much to meet his needs or achieve his goals. He seems satisfied with his ability to care for himself. He’s started to develop the attitude that he doesn’t need you or anyone else from now on. He can do what he needs to achieve his goals by himself.
However, successful people have a secret. They know you truly need other people to become successful!
There’s a man named Napoleon Hill who coined the word Mastermind. That term means to surround yourself with a collection of people who have a lot of knowledge to lend, or expertise and experience to share. The knowledge of those Masterminds help the individual become successful. Those successful people tend to have the greatest minds around them in their lives from whom they can gather and collect information. The can use the resources and knowledge around them when they need help to succeed.
However, the biggest problem most people have is their own EGO. They have an attitude and they won’t admit they need help from others to achieve their goals and dreams. Pride seems to prevent them from awakening. They become determined to do things on their own and not depend on other people.
They are kind of like the baby who crawls and cannot see the bigger possibilities. Those people who are determined to do things alone and not depend on others can’t see that they, too, may be working harder than necessary. There just might be an easier way! Those people immerse themselves in their tasks, working harder than ever. Yet, they seem to be cut off and detached from others. But the bottom line is that they really do need other people.
Who do you know like that?
Many people see Interdependence as a weakness. They feel that if they ask for help, it makes them appear to be dependent, which feels almost like a step backward instead of forward. They don’t want to go back to their dependence of youth.
However, when you ask for help, that actually shows you have self-confidence and inner strength because when you admit your weak areas, you seek resources to help fill those gaps!
Maybe you should ask yourselves the following questions:
- Am I trying to do it all myself?
- What really makes my heart sing? What do I really want? What are my goals?
- Can I ask for help?
- What level of Interdependence do I have?
- What will make it easier for me to succeed and achieve my goals?
- Who are the Masterminds in my circle that will help me achieve?
Who knows? Maybe someone is waiting for you to become their Mastermind!
Bye! (ILY Wave)
OH!! This is such a GREAT post!! I remember when I was young and so full of my independance! I could not stand it when my parents offered advice. It was SO unwelcome. I wanted to be grown up and to prove I could do everything on my own. It’s funny. At some point, I realized I was tired of doing everything alone and I started asking their opinions again. I don’t remember when that was. Long time ago. Now they are older and almost childlike in many ways. You know how when people get very old, they become vulnerable. It is like I’m the adult and my parents are like the children. They call and ask me for advice now. My kids don’t listen to me, but my parents do. How’s that for irony? Sometimes I wish it were the other way around. (sigh)
Left by kim on December 28th, 2007
Hi, LaRonda,
Sometimes you or we need to step one behind in order to step more in ahead. I have asked for help, and I felt good all about it. It is humble to ask for help, but the result is rewarding. Asking for help is not weak. Say, it is a good idea to resolve for The New Year resolutions, smile.
deafk
Left by deafk on December 28th, 2007
interdependence leads to synergy.
There is great read on interdependence by Stephen Covey in his book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”.
Left by Joe on December 29th, 2007
Hello,
The simply was for everyone who is going to be either independent or interdepend. Without any judgement, they tend to be self-centered,arrogrant, and denial of getting some assistance. As long as I am involved with Deaf youth program, I do make some challenege points for them to think about empowerment.
Left by tim smith on December 29th, 2007
I enjoyed watching your video and reading your blog. My son is in 5th grade and he is more opinionated than before (we call it “raionalizing”… he rationalizes everything, his actions, his thoughts, etc… ugh!), which is becoming a challenge to me and my husband. We had to revise our parenting style. His younger sister observes this and she picks up some of things from her older brother, so she is quickly becoming wise beyond her 7 years.
It is amazing at who the kids hang around with… masterminds… and what they learn from them without my husband and my knowledge. It is like watching them practicing to be independent from us, learning to keep secrets from us, giving them a sense of power over their identities, etc.
All part of growing up…
Left by Karen Mayes on December 29th, 2007
Generations, next generations, then new generations and so forth…..
That is what we did to our parents, and then parents did to their “kids’ grandparents” and so forth…..
And then, our *NEW* generations to our kids…..Modern Technology. We *MUST* be careful with all the CYBERBULLYING.
Left by White Ghost on December 29th, 2007
That is great lecture about master mind. same as my dad was in navy he is master chef and he told me that dont depend on and you need to learn yourself out of world and fight get life thru on and you will be ok. and after i got car accedent and my head was feel like ear drop leak and i said gosh i feel brain coldest and i forgot the education and i am fighter get education back on by step by step a times. but i could not remember what happen myself what i do in past everything is lost like person tell me something and i forgot so i am fighter to get step by step take a think of picture. long time ago when i was young i am indepence person when i was in deaf school feel like home. but out of world is biggest different lots of challanage living. thanks my dad said time to learn your own time no interdependance out of there. also happy new year 2008 and please wear your seltbelt save your mastermind education. dont be like me due no seltbelt will lose your education mastermind. it is true story happen to me.
Left by ALAN JEFFERS on December 29th, 2007
Thanks for sharing 3 stages. I have 2 children–older daughter is teenager and the young son is almost teenager in a couple of months. Yes, I have been watching them growing everyday and how much they change as they grow. They are different in growth developements and very interested. I enjoy every minute being with them as they grow and change and it is very challenge for me, too.
I have enjoyed watching you on vlog and would love to meet you one day!
Happy New Year and May it brings very healthy and happiness to you and your family!
Left by CJ on December 29th, 2007
Kim,
I understand what you mean. I remember the day when my husband came to me and said, “You know what? I’ve finally realized my dad doesn’t know everything anymore. He’s asking me for advice now. Go figure?”
I think the point is that we all need each other throughout our lives, regardless of our drive for independence.
Thanks for your comment.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
Hi deafk.
Thanks for your input. You found the right word: “HUMBLE.” It is a humbling act to ask for help from others. Our egos get in the way so often that we forget how to receive.
Thanks for reading and for leaving your thoughts.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
Joe,
YOU GOT IT! Yes! The value of Interdependence is about Synergy!
For those of you who don’t know what synergy means, it refers to the phenomenon in which two or more people acting together create a greater effect than that each would create individually.
In other words, two minds, or “Masterminds,” are better than one!
Thanks for the perfect connection and for leaving your comment!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
Hi Tim.
I’m glad you left a comment here and identified that you work with Deaf Youth. The concept of Interdependence is an excellent one to share with young people. It encourages strength in numbers, as well as teamwork, and humility. (Refer to my other responses above.)
Do you have a v/blog or website about what you do with Deaf Youth? I would love to check it out! Inspiring young people to find their inner strengths is one of my favorite things to do!
Thanks for your input.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
Hi Karen.
You sound like a watchful parent, like me. You gave a different twist to the meaning of the word Masterminds that I had not considered. Yes, it appears it is part of peer influence. However, in the context that I was using it here, it meant accessing the positive knowledge of those with expertise that can help us fill the gaps we have in our plans or process to achieve our goals.
But I have heard the word Mastermind used in the way you are referring to also. Kind of a trickery in that meaning. Sort of secretive and deceptive. The brick behind the velvet glove. I get what you’re saying.
Thanks for adding that fun twist.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
White Ghost,
It appears you might have read the word Mastermind in the same way Karen did above. Interesting. Not exactly how I had intended it, but it does have a double meaning.
I enjoy observing and studying human development across the lifespan, from one generation the the next. I agree, there are many reoccurring patterns.
Thanks for your thoughts.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
Allen,
I really appreciated your comment above. Yes, parents do encourage their children to be independent. What many of us fail to learn is that when we get older, we can actually benefit by surrounding ourselves with others who have skills and knowledge to mentor us through our lives. It doesn’t matter how independent we are. Those who are successful in life know that it’s really ok and even beneficial to ask for help or access the resources out their available to us in our circle of friends. Those are the Masterminds around us. The people who help us create the steps to take to get to where we want to be. There is more good things available to us when we reach out and share our resources with each other. That was my point.
I really thank you also for encouraging people to continue their education and to stay safe when driving by wearing a seatbelt. It sounds like you’ve had that challenge in your life. By sharing your message here with others, you are lending your knowledge of a first hand experience to others. In effect, you are a Mastermind right now for all of the readers here.
Thank you!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
CJ,
You sound like you enjoy parenting - the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Me too!
Are you going to the DeafRead vlog conference on Feb. 2nd in San Francisco? I’ll be there for sure! Maybe we will cross paths then!
Thanks for watching and reading. It means a lot to me.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
The topic in your vlog is very educational. Schoolteachers and college professors should educate deaf students about the earnest importance of interindependence in that it is one of the most desired attributes amongst people. Interindependent people are much more liked because they are devoid of selfishness like “I,” “me,” or “ego”. Very humble to ask for help, humble to help, humble to share. They are graciously aware that they need people, aware that they are needed by other people. They do not belittle other people’s advice or knowledge. If an individual has this certain attriibute, a letter of recommendation would mention it. I seem to recall having read in The New Yorker that Condoleezza Rice got 40 points to get a position as Dean at Stanford University from Madeleine Albright’s father who was a professor at the University of Colorado and again 40 [or 60] points from George Schulz for a position in Bush 41’s administration. She is a very sharing person — not the type who would selfishly say, “Do it yourself!” because she knows that there are some people out there whose help she needs.) People need one another all the time.
Left by Jean Boutcher on December 29th, 2007
Jean,
You hit the nail on the head! Yes! Interdependence is one of the most important attributes and yet so little understood. When we can get over our own egos, we can see the tremendous value in reaching out, asking for help and sharing knowledge.
I must say that you are one of my favorite commenters and I consider you part of the mastermind in my circle! Your provide such depth and wisdom in your comments.
I am truly grateful!
Thank you.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 29th, 2007
WOW! Good Topic!!!
I tell you, people think I don’t want to ask for help because of “ego”. I disagree. Because I was taught to be “independence”….I used to ask my mom for certain help. She taught me to do it on my own (of course she helped, then gave me the “lecture” LOL),. I have become “independence” for many years. You see, my family (brother, grandma, dad, grandpa, and last my beloved mom) all passed away in the 90’s and I was only 29 years old (when they all were gone, one by one), I have friends, I just learned to become “independence” even more and people want to help me, I think its out of sympathy. I tell them “I’m fine, if I needed help I will ask”. They still think I should accept. I don’t want to become dependence, I believe we all should be independence. You never know when anyone rejects/or is not there for you, what do you do then? I have a friend who is dependent, and when no one helps her, she’s gets very upset. WOW! Anyways - this is the longest comment I ever wrote in anyone’s vlog
Loved your topic, Totally GREAT Vlog, it made me think ALOT yesterday, and this morning
Left by B.A.D. on December 30th, 2007
B.A.D.,
Let me clarify a bit as I see some confusion about what I mean by interdependence. It’s not about surrendering one’s independence and becoming dependent on others again. Interdependence is more about sharing and using the resources we each have to offer and receive from one another. We all have some gaps or weak areas. The point is to surround ourselves with those who have knowledge to lend or advice to give or an idea to help us climb a little higher on our ladders toward success or reaching our goals. It’s about people needing people rather than cutting themselves off from one another. By reaching out, or asking for help, and by learning to receive by removing pride and ego, we are able to discover there are easier ways or steps we can take to get to where we want to be.
Make sense?
Thanks for your comment. It wasn’t too long for me.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 30th, 2007
LaRonda!
Thanks for explaining! I got what you mean. You clarified it very GOOD for me
Thanks again!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
B.A.D.
Left by B.A.D. on December 30th, 2007
LaRonda,
I love that you elaborate the difference between “independent” and “interindependent”.
Independent = too proud to remove pride and ego; unwilling to offer input, feedback, help, etc.
Interindependent = humble to offer help, input, feedback AND humble to ask for help, feedback, etc.
Left by Jean Boutcher on December 30th, 2007
Hi Jean.
I noticed you were spelling Interdependent like Inter-i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t. was that on purpose? Technically the word is spelled like Inter-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t, meaning there is synergy when we depend on each other to fill the gaps we have. However, I kind of like your spelling, whether it was in error or on purpose, because it emphasizes what I was explaining to B.A.D. above. Interdependence is not about surrendering our own independent nature, but rather opening up to giving and receiving the gifts of one another. In that way, we depend on each other to bring out our fullness.
Kind of an interesting twist with the spelling. Me like!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 30th, 2007
Hi LaRonda!
What a great precise written post. I couldn’t get to see your vlog since I’m at the mountains riding on a long trip using my blackberry. I enjoyed reading your post along with the commenters. I agree what was said mostly here.
As a former Social Studies teacher, we studied the importance of interdependence in the terms of economy. Imagine what our country will be like if we are not interdependent. There will be no java, Swiss chocolate, abundant petroleum and what nots!! Eeeek! Our country is independent but we are interdependent when it comes to resources.
It goes the same way for us as individuals working to achieve a goal for the betterment of the quality of our lives. One good example is that NAD and DBC should be interdependent with each other where expertise and resources can be shared to achieve common goals. Both DBC and NAD need help since there is no way it can be done alone. Some states like Indiana and Colorado act as interdependent agents that they helped spread awareness in the public abt the importance of bilingual approach for Deaf babies. DBC has taken the liberty to ask for help and this is the positive outcome.
As for personal level, I’ve been living on my own for four years and it was no picnic. Being independent has a price to pay but being interdependent with my friends has more gain. I hope I’m not going off the topic since I didn’t see your vlog.
Have a prosperous new year!
Left by Barb DiGi on December 30th, 2007
Hi Barb!
Always nice to hear from you. You were not off topic, but rather, right on. Good point to bring up the need to DBC and NAD to work interdependently. The synergy that comes from working together and sharing resources is the great outcome that will bring about change.
I know how frustrating it is to be away from a computer that will allow you to watch vlogs. Grrrr…. This is why I always provide a transcript with my vlogs so if people are away from their computers and reading via their text pagers, they can read what I vlogged about. Captions would not allow for this. I’m truly a V/Blogger in that I do both vlogging and blogging.
Stay in touch!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 30th, 2007
Yes, the American culture values independence over interdependence–even viewing interdependence as a weakness. But you are so right–interdependence is our greatest strength, and very likely the only way we will ever solve the huge problems we need to address (incessant wars, environmental destruction, etc.)
As one commenter said, Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) talks a lot about this “synergy” of interdependence. Here’s a quote from Covey:
“Many people have not really experienced even a moderate degree of synergy in their family life or in other interactions. They’ve been trained and scripted into defensive and protective communications or into believing that life and other people can’t be trusted. This represents one of the great tragedies and wastes in life, because so much potential remains untapped - completely undeveloped and unused, Ineffective people live day after day with unused potential. They experience synergy only in small, peripheral ways in their lives.”
Left by Brent on December 31st, 2007
Barb hit it right on the nail. LOVED what she said - It was just on the tip of my tounge:
DBC and NAD to be interdependence with one another! WOW!!!
Left by B.A.D. on December 31st, 2007
B.A.D.,
I’m going to start calling you the WOW” Woman! Ha!
It’s you’re favorite phrase! Definitely a trademark for you as a commenter. 
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 31st, 2007
Brent,
Thank you for that quote from Stephen Covey. Yes, I agree that we all have so much untapped potential. I have dreams I want to birth and yet I have not sought out the interdependent relationships that could help me achieve them.
I certainly have enjoyed the discussions from the commenters here. It gives me hope that once we bring this topic to mind, more and more people will catch on.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 31st, 2007
I love both of your vlogs and you are the “healer” in the blogosphere world–our Cyber Gandhi! Reading both blogs this morning is an awesome way to start 2008! I wish I could go to the conference but already am committed to CSUN event on the same day in southern California! Lets lunch more often in 2008 as part of our New Year’s resolution!
Left by Julie Rems-Smario on December 31st, 2007
Julie,
Your comments deeply touched my heart. ~
Yes, let’s get together more often!
Bless you!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 31st, 2007
LaRonda!
That’s because YOU WOW us!!! I don’t know if you realize, the (good, great, wonderful) impact you have done to me and others with your v/blog, very powerful!! Again I must say - VERY WOW!!
I also Wow’ed Barb - because she did a GREAT one about NAD and DBC, which is GREAT so perfect! I guess I got a bit excited!! LOL!!!
Happy New Year!!!
Left by B.A.D. on December 31st, 2007
Thank you B.A.D. Or shall I call you W.O.W. ? Yes, I have hopes for the betterment of Deaf babies by having all of us working together. Since I’m focusing on developing a new websiote, I jhave ideas but there’s no way I could do the tech part without my beloved finace’ who happens to be an expert. With his help, I’m able to make this successful!
LaRonda, thank you for providing this wonderful warming balance in this v/blogosphere. You deserve an award!
Left by Barb DiGi on December 31st, 2007
Yes yes LaRonda. That’s why I’ve made the effort to leave the transcript or summary as much as possible knowing that not all are able to have access to vLogs for whatsoever reasons. Besdies we have more advantages rather than inserting closed captions so that our v/blogs will be more likely to show up in the google list when being searched.
Left by Barb DiGi on December 31st, 2007
Love your message. Big thanks!
Interdependence and Mastermind groups have been something I’ve been exploring for a good while now and it’s great that you presented on these topics so eloquently and in ASL (as well as in English which I haven’t read yet, smile).
Are you familiar with the book “Meet and Grow Rich”? It has some tips from people experienced with Mastermind groups on what to do and not to do when having a group. I have been experimenting with Mastermind groups recently and it’s showing to be very productive. I look forward to increasing my experience with that…
As for interdependence, it’s been a favorite concept for me the past few years….and realizing that I am so short on time, money, talents to do everything alone, the several interdependence experiences I have had have been real blessings. I also think that all mission statements of Deaf organizations should emphasize “interdependence” rather than “independence”.
Again, thanks for doing this vlog/blog and raising our consciousness higher and higher.
See you around soon, I hope.
Left by Ella Lentz on December 31st, 2007
Hi Ella.
My husband has the book you mentioned above, though I’ve never read it. The title turned me off. But I believe I would read into it differently now. Not so much motivated by money as I would be motivated in bringing about positive change in the world through Mastermind groups and synergy.
I really do want to dedicate my future v/blogging toward that goal.
I have some dreams that are beginning to take form and I’m using this virtual world to plant the seeds and send my vision out into the universe. Surrounding myself with people who have knowledge and wisdom to share and who are receptive to what I also have to give is my intention. People like you.
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on December 31st, 2007
Ahhh… not what I meant… I meant more like adjusting with the growing up stages of my children, since both have different personalities (like my son is more of a mellow, laid-back child who likes to take his sweet time with about everything while my daughter is more of an outgoing, risk-taking child who is willing to stand up for herself and fight for what she believes in.) So I have to tune in the different tunes of them, to see that they could depend on me in different ways, and that I have to treat them differently due to their personalities and not to forget myself as a parent… I find myself slowly depending on them for what they could contribute to me as a person (interindependence) and they could be dependent on me and at the same time becoming independent… I’d have to teach them the meaning of interindependence as they get older, entering the teen years… ack! ;o)
Love your blog as usual.
Left by Karen Mayes on January 2nd, 2008