(Ch. 47 of my storyblog of my journey into Deafhood…)
A couple of months after I had lost my hearing, and just after being fitted with hearing aids, I began my first semester at Fresno City College. I registered for 12 units of general education classes. Because some of my classes were held in large forum halls, I tried to arrive ahead of others so I could get a front row seat. I had to sit in front in order to lip-read the professors who were lecturing. While I managed to sit in the front row in most of my classes, I never heard my classmates talking or asking questions because I could never locate the speaker. The big challenge came when my professors would turn and write on the dry erase boards while speaking. I could see the words they wrote, but missed everything they said about those words.
Not surprisingly, I would arrive home each day after classes and sleep for hours. My eyes were exhausted. My brain was fried. The energy it took to try to lip-read and follow the information was enormous, and I was spent! My daily life became one of survival. I woke, ate, dressed, drove to school, strained my eyes and brain all day, came home and slept, woke to study, eat and fall asleep again. I had no social life whatsoever.
By the middle of my first semester at the community college, I had dropped 50% of my classes and was barely scraping by in the others. This had nothing to do with laziness, lack of motivation, or living a party life. I simply couldn’t keep up because I couldn’t follow what was being said, and I didn’t know how to approach my professors to let them know I couldn’t hear. For some reason, I felt ashamed. I was worried that they would judge me for not telling them of my hearing loss to begin with, or that they would tell me I didn’t belong in their class. I was afraid of rejection.
At the end of that first semester, I received a note with my semester grade report saying I had been put on academic probation for dropping so many classes. I was required to meet with a college adviser before enrolling for the next semester. This frightened me, and I was seriously thinking of dropping college altogether.
But something inside me knew it was time to get serious about my communication needs. I decided to meet with an adviser in the Enabler Services Department, which provided support for students with disabilities.
I shared my classroom experiences, and my feelings of not wanting to appear “broken.” I wanted to believe that I could go on functioning the same way I always had, hoping my hearing aids would do the trick. But it was time to get real and accept that I needed some support. Thankfully, my adviser educated me on the support services available to me as a person with a hearing loss. She validated my grief, provided me with note-takers, and most importantly, got me enrolled in ASL (American Sign Language) classes immediately.
As I began to learn sign language, my self-confidence and social life began to improve. At least I was having conversations with other ASL students. I learned quickly and my teacher was quite impressed. I was incredibly motivated to learn this language, as it kept me in touch with my world!
Once I learned signs well enough, I began using an interpreter in my college classes for sign-supported communication. My grades soon rose back up to where they had been before my hearing loss. I was beginning to feel hope that I might actually do well again in school and carve out some kind of future for myself.
- Learning ASL helped me see a light at the end of the tunnel.
- Learning ASL was the key toward feeling whole again.
- Learning ASL helped me stay connected to my world and brought me into the circle of knowledge once more.
- Learning ASL helped me feel I belonged.
- Learning ASL was empowering — life changing! — and has made all the difference!
(Footnote: You have been reading the chapters in my summer storyblog entitled: My Journey Into Deafhood, which tells of the first recognition of my deafness and waking up to a world of silence. It also tells of how I grieved, coped, adapted and then thrived as I learned to embrace my Deaf self. Thank you for reading! The final installment will show on August 8th, 2007. More coming soon…)
That is the BEST entry — I can FEEL the hope after what you have gone through!
Wiping my tears… what a moving story— so validating and so positive.
For last several days, I have been reading a lot of blogs, vlogs, comments about the schism between oralism and American Sign Language… and…
your blog - made a point — ASL needs to be inclusive and every deaf/Deaf person needs to embrace ASL as a beautiful language to add to English, both languages are equal.
I’m glad that you have discovered the power of healing through American Sign Language to support your own personal journey.
Amy Cohen Efron
Left by Amy Cohen Efron on August 1st, 2007
Even though my personal experience happed earlier in life; I sure can relate to your frustrations. It’s amazing to learn how many people have walked in my shoes. It was not until I learned ASL that I was able to keep up with my classes. I went from about a c-d average to an A-B average just by UNDERSTANDING what the students and teacher were saying.. duh, ..(I have enough hearing where I CAN use the telephone (helps alot with a volume control) and understand speech on a 1:1 but IN the classroom its is almost impossible for me to follow the flow.
Left by human on August 1st, 2007
Not many deafened adults would take that ASL route. Glad you went for it and saw its benefits.
Left by drmzz on August 1st, 2007
Look, I haven’t commented anything on your articles until now. If I commented a few articles ago, I would have encouraged you going to Western Wall in Jerusalem for any miracle healing! I had seen a lot of people coming to it and prayed for some miracles. Dunno if it worked for most of people.
Now, I caught up your stories and I am glad that you are doing good today.
Keep it coming!
Left by Judge on August 1st, 2007
Yeah, I wish that I learn ASL when I was a newborn baby! Thanks so much for blogging your beautiful story!
ASL hugs, Shawn
Left by ASL Risen on August 1st, 2007
Learning ASL helped me see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Learning ASL was the key toward feeling whole again.
Learning ASL helped me stay connected to my world and brought me into the circle of knowledge once more.
Learning ASL helped me feel I belonged.
Learning ASL was empowering — life changing! — and has made all the difference!
Exactly — That’s how I feel when I came to Gallaudet as a Deaf oralist. Smile
Left by Diane on August 1st, 2007
Thanks everyone for your comments. You know how we are all focused on the value and benefit of ASL for deaf babies? The same stands true for deaf or deafened people of any age! What a difference it makes in a person’s life!
Because I learned ASL, I did not feel a need to get a CI or use a hearing aid any more. ASL became the lifeline that kept me connected to my world!
~ LaRonda
Left by LaRonda on August 1st, 2007
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story about discovering ASL. Same thing here (but different story)…
I was proundly deaf when I was born. I was two years old to go to the oral school. (Yeah, duh.). Anyway, one day in the early fall, I usually went in the yellow van for going home after school. That time, I was about eight years old. I sat on the seat next to the deaf girl who was picked up from other school. I did not like her for years… I guess kid things. Anyway, somehow, I noticed her and a few students’ hands were flying in the air. I thought, “what is that?? Huh??” (Remember that I was not able to talk with my mouth very much).
I gently tapped her and used homemade sign language like if I said to her, “What is that? How?” She smiled and startedto teach me. My first learning was “ABC” in fingerspelling.. My heart grew huge light ever I had!!! I think I would call it “amazing!”. That’s where i started to learn ASL. Oh yes, ASL is the best communication period! No question about this. I am glad that you found ASL to help your future.
Guess what? That one girl always is my hero.
I hope my writing is ok or not too long because it is my first time ever to comment on the v/blogs..
Thanks again,
Tom
Left by Tom on August 1st, 2007