(Ch. 33 of my story of my journey into Deafhood…)

One of the symptoms of Toxic Shock Syndrome is the sunburn-like rash that covers the body, especially on the palms of the hands and the soles of the feet. The skin on these areas generally peels about 1-2 weeks later. My skin-defoliating friend, Terry, was the first to notice the huge pieces of calloused epidermis that were peeling off my feet in layers, leaving them tender, wrinkled, and pink, like a newborn’s soles.

When my physical therapist came in to initiate the therapeutic exercises that would help me begin to gain strength and eventually get me up and walking, he too commented on my “new baby feet.”

He asked the nurses about removing the bandage from the blister on my heel so that I could wear ankle weights as a part of the physical therapy. In order to walk again, I needed to increase muscle strength in my legs. I had to wear those ankle weights in bed and do a number of leg lifts for the next several days. I had been bedridden for over 2 weeks and it was necessary to build up my strength just so I could stand up.

Once the therapist declared me strong enough to stand, I had to learn how to walk again on my brand new feet, one slow step at a time. My feet were very tender having lost the callus epidermis that normally protected them. It was hard at first to put the pressure of my weight on my sensitive soles. The therapist gave me some soft, padded socks with rubber tread on the bottoms and I used these to cover the sensitive layer of skin, which was now exposed.

I was surprised at how quickly I became tired, winded, and dizzy after taking just a few short steps. Though my mind felt alert, I had no idea how weak my body still was. I couldn’t go far at first, but each day, as my strength and stamina improved, I made a little more progress. By the last day or two, I was able to get up to use the bathroom without falling over or passing out. That in and of itself was a big incentive for me to get walking!

If you’re a woman and you’ve ever had to pee in a bedpan lying down, you know how difficult it is not to wet yourself! Taking a dump behind a curtain in a chair that has a hole in the bottom where the bedpan lays, is also not the easiest thing to do! I really wanted the privacy of a bathroom again. So, using the toilet was my motivation for strengthening my legs to get them moving.

It’s funny. As I re-read my own words above, I can see how similar this brief excerpt is to how my life has played out after I lost my hearing. The need to build strength so I could stand on my own two feet as a newly deaf person; the shock at how difficult and tiring it was to walk on these new soles – to accept my new identity; the support and guidance from the angels in my corner who laid soft my path and helped me along the way; the courage, persistence and progress made; and the motivation for independence — these are all metaphors for how I have adjusted, coped, and lived with my hearing loss.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step.”

~ Old Chinese Proverb

(Footnote: You have been reading the chapters in my summer storyblog entitled: My Journey Into Deafhood, which tells of the first recognition of my deafness and waking up to a world of silence. It also tells of how I grieved, coped, adapted and then thrived as I learned to embrace my Deaf self. Thank you for reading! The final installment will show on August 8th, 2007. More coming soon…)

Posted by LaRonda on Saturday, July 28th, 2007 at 4:45 am.