(Ch. 24 of my story of how I became deaf…)
I would eventually learn that there had been significant damage my vocal chords from all the trauma that went on inside my throat from the intubation, tubes from the respirator, and the many throat cultures that were performed during my two and a half week hospital stay during the summer of 1981. I would soon discover that I could no longer sing with the pure tone sounds or range I used to project as a vocal musician. It was a bitter blow. I would become a noteless flute; a mute bird with no voice to sing of my loss and throw this tremendous sorrow from my soul.
Around the beginning of my second week in the hospital, the tubes were finally taken out of my throat and I was now officially off the respirator. I could breath a bit easier now that the backed up fluid from the kidney failure was clearing out, slowly reducing the pressure on my lungs and heart, but my throat and chest still felt very sore. They had removed and reinserted the respirator tubes many times over the course of several days. It was also standard procedure to perform throat cultures for intubated patients to check for potential developing bacteria or staph such as strep.
Mama explained that a doctor would be in soon to take another throat culture. She tried to get me to sit up a little in bed. I felt so stiff and sore. When the lab technician finally came in, he held a long cotton swab in one gloved hand and told me to open my mouth deeply and make a low, guttural “ahhhh” sound while he scraped the back of my throat. I tied to comply, but I gagged each time he inserted the long swab. I hated it! It was very uncomfortable and my throat was already red and raw. It took several unsuccessful attempts to swab my throat before he was able to get the culture he needed. He probably got better cultures when I was not awake. When he finished, I looked at Mama and cried. “I know, baby. I know….” Mama said, trying to comfort me.
Now that I was off the respirator, I was allowed to try breathing room air for a while. However, I was still getting oxygen from a nasal canula, which Mama removed to wash my face. When she was done, she replaced the short tubes back into my nostrils, and wrapped the cords behind my ears. Mama gave me a little water when I complained of thirst. My mouth felt very dry and my throat felt tremendously parched, as if I hadn’t had water for days.
Soon, I became aware of another machine connected to my body. A nurse entered the room and walked to the foot of my bed. She began checking on a large machine that stood against the wall. The machine had dials, knobs, and tubes attached to it leading to pockets of blood units hanging from an IV pole nearby.
With my eyes, I followed one of the tubes from the machine until it led to my bed. I lifted my blankets to discover the tubes were inserted into my right inner thigh. I winched and dropped the blankets back over my leg.
It was hard to hear Mama talk, but I was able to make out that I was in the process of receiving some kind of treatment for my kidneys (a dialysis). She tried to explain that the machine was cleaning out the toxins in my blood, and helping to reduce backed up body fluid from my failed kidneys.
I tried to ask questions, but my throat hurt so badly, I could only croak. Mama shushed me as she could see it was still painful for me to talk. I blinked and tears rolled down my cheeks. Mama gently wiped them away, and told me to rest. I closed my eyes feeling her gently caress my cheeks and forehead, and I drifted off.
(Footnote: Don’t give up on the story yet. It has been important for me to share what life was like before I became deaf so that people understand the significant transition that occurred when I became deaf — a transformation I not only understand and accept, but also celebrate! Keep on reading! You have just completed the middle chapters entitled: Deaf or Death, which tell the dramatic story of the illness that took my hearing. You are now reading the final chapters entitled: My Journey Into Deafhood, which tell of my transitions and waking up to a world of silence. Keep reading! More coming soon…)
Whoa–LaRonda, I’m truly sorry you had to experience such an incredible ordeal when you suffered TSS and then it went undiagnosed for weeks back in 1981! Your life is remarkable as you’re still with us! You’ve gained strength, a special art in communication and compassion!
As for me, I remember when in those days tampon was a ‘new’ thing but also, at the time, I wasn’t into them because of obvious reasons: they were so ridiculously uncomfortable. Only till after the fact, the horrors stories start to show up in our little and busy lives.
I don’t know what it is but I do want to share a simple point: we don’t always understand why certain things happen to us. It’s one of those mysteries in the Universe that the more one probes and explores, it can bring invitation to confusion and assumptions that are inaccurate. Yes, there are lessons all around for the beloveds and such things challenge those that are provide care in order to promote health and general wellbeing, as in your case with consequences. We also know there is soul growth and it takes a certain wise one to provide some accurate answers.
What pleases me is to read this story of yours in its entirety. I am touched by the truth of your experience and how much you are willing to share in such profound depth and detail. I’ve found your writing style quite elegant and smooth; allowing it an easy pleasure to read and digest to read each account. You take care to express your thoughts and experiences carefully and as a congentially deaf person, I appreciate that.
Each chapter is woven with beautiful pictures; allowing the accounts to come alive visually. It is creative and allows our imagination to fit in with your innermost, private experiences.
You’ve talent as a storyteller!
I am grateful for your blog or should I say autobiography?! And I want I thank you for opening up to us as readers. It sensitizes us to the fact of what life is like after hearing! And then d/Deaf some more! What a life.
G-dspeed~
~Sb
Left by SB~ on July 25th, 2007