Photo by: “Barry”

This weekend is Easter. It is a Holy time for many. A time for deep reflection and spiritual renewal. It is a time to forgive, rejoice, give thanks, and to stay heart-centered. It’s Spring Break — a break from work and from school, a time when we focus on spending quality moments with each other and pampering ourselves.

I so much look forward to this time of year. I have more time to say hello to the neighbors, tend to the flowers in my backyard, call/VP/e-mail a friend, spread a little heart-shine, play and laugh with my son, and kiss my husband. It’s a generational family time and a much-anticipated personal quiet time. For me, I have made a conscious commitment this week to “slow down.”

Photo by: “Vertigogen”

Let me explain why. During the recent blog/vlog posts at DeafRead, my mind and heart went through a myriad of thoughts and emotions. It took much courage to put my comments out there, and even more courage to read and view the responses from others. Most of the responses were very encouraging for all of us involved. But some of the comments were confusing and hard to fully understand. There were times when I wanted so much to clarify my statements, hold up a mirror, stand in the center of the fire and not shrink away. There were also times when I found myself wanting to reach out to Aidan, Barb, Teri and others, to shield and defend them, as well as myself, from harmful statements. I wanted to fix things, and wave a banner that said: PEACE. But something in me pulled me back — a quiet voice inside kept telling me, “Shhhh…. be still, LaRonda. Just be still.”

For a person who is rarely at a loss for words, this came as a great challenge. Yet I made an honest effort to pay attention to that voice in the beginning, but found myself fighting it later. I wanted to vlog! I wanted to speak out more! And the more I tried, the more blocked I became!! The camera battery ran down and had to be recharged. My computer desk became so cluttered that I couldn’t get at my computer to blog without papers falling to the floor in piles at my feet. I turned the computer off and spent the day cleaning out the clutter and rearranging our home office furniture so it was more functional. By the end of the day, when I had time to finally sit down and blog some more, my back gave out!

I found myself home from work laying flat on my back on top of a heating pad for the next 2 days! The dishes were piled up, mountains of laundry grew and I found myself unable to do anything, let alone sit at my computer. It seemed every time I wanted to get back to responding to the v/blog comments that were being posted, something was preventing my success. I began to wonder if maybe I wasn’t supposed to respond at all…

A couple of days later, when I was able to get up and around a bit, I had an intense urge to post a vlog to follow up on my Bridge Builders post. I took my video camera in the backyard, set it up on the tripod and began to make a video clip. I must have gone through 20 different starts and stops trying to find the words I thought I needed to say. But I was never satisfied. My words seemed petty and trite. I kept asking myself, What I am trying to do? What is my goal here? No answer came. I spent a good hour feeling quite frustrated with myself. Then when the video camera battery finally ran low once again, I came inside and chuckled to my husband, “I don’t think I’m supposed to make a vlog! Nothing is coming out right!”

Photo by: Lucille Pine

So I put my equipment away and turned my focus to feeding my family. A while later, once again giving in to the urge to communicate, I tried my hand at writing a blog post. I wrote down words, but they did not feel like they were truly from my heart. I asked my husband to read what I had written and give me his honest opinion about whether or not they were words to share with others. My husband, Brent, is a great man. I often put him into these sticky situations where he must feel he is stuck between a rock and a hard place. But his response was gentle and his eyes were true. He told me in essence that my words were emotional reactions and not necessarily well thought out. He asked me what purpose they would serve. Where was I going with this stream of emotion? I didn’t know. Perhaps my ego wanted to change the outcome of the discourse, but then I knew I could not do such a thing. I had to let it go.

I thanked my husband, embraced him tenderly and then, like Amy Cohen-Efron did in her “Delete the Indelible” vlog, I pushed delete. It was a tangible and visible way to achieve closure. I got up from the computer, went over to the couch and laid back. While laying there, I closed my eyes and began to quiet my mind. I let the tension slip out of my body and imagined myself floating. After a while, my mind felt clear and my body felt relaxed. My heart was open and receptive. That’s when I heard that small voice inside of me say once again, “LaRonda… be still.”

It was then I began to finally understand. I needed to fully let go. I needed to let things happen around me without any ego investment or attachment to the outcome. Even though I wanted to ask questions and clarify misunderstandings, I really did not need to say anything more. I had said what I felt in my heart earlier. I did not have control over how other people in the deaf community would view my words. I needed to let that be okay. I had struggled with this, but finally I understood.

Photo by: MontanaRaven

As I began to let go, I noticed the shift in perspectives changing in the people all around the deaf v/blogosphere. People began reaching out to Aidan, Barb, Teri and myself. They began to sum things up, make peace and find closure. People began to share insights and personal growth. Life was showing me it has its own flow. I didn’t need to stir the waters or wave a banner. I didn’t have to fix anything. It was a lesson learned, one of the many along my life-journey as a deaf woman.

Aidan, Barb, and all those who left comments on our v/blogs, thank you from the heart.

I now find myself with the gift of time as I am on vacation this week. And as I said earlier, I have made a conscious decision to honor that small voice within and to be still, to let go, to slow down. I invite you to do the same.

By choosing to slow down and taking time to care for ourselves we begin to rejuvenate. In time, a little self-care and comfort gives way to profound rest and relaxation. When we feel a sense of renewal, we can do just about anything. Below are some of my favorite things that make me say, “Ahhhh…” Anything that feels good just has to be shared with EVERYONE! Enjoy ~

Willow Tree® Sign for “Love.” This hand-carved sculpture speaks in a quiet way reminding us remain “heart centered.”
(Click on image for more information or purchase)

The Healing Lavender Theraphy Relaxation Elements by Coty. 5 Piece Set Includes: Cleanse & Calm Bath & Shower Gel 7.0 oz + Relaxation Body Mist 8.0 oz + 2 Body Pouf Sponges + Carrying Tote
(Click on image for more information or purchase)

Yoga Stick Figure Notecards.These cards are not only adorable but they have a serious side too! The back of the cards have a transliteration of the Sanskrit name of the pose, the common English name, plus details of the benefits of the pose. They are truly a joy to give and to receive.
(Click on image for more information or purchase)

Barefoot Yoga Silk Eye Pillow with organic flax seed and lavender. The silk fabric is soft and cooling, while the shape of the pillow contours to your face adding gentle pressure and blocking out light, relieving tension and calming active muscles around the eyes. Used for deepening relaxation during meditation or afternoon naps. Just surrender…
(Click on image for more information or purchase)

Spa Comforts - Spa Socks for an evening of putting your feet up. Spa socks release nurturing heat to soothe tired toes and achy arches. Pop them in the microwave and swaddle your feet in wonderful warmth and the soothing scents of cinnamon, clove and eucalyptus. Relief and rejuvenation from the ground up!
(Click on image for more information or purchase)

Happy Easter! Happy Renewal!

Posted by LaRonda on Friday, April 6th, 2007 at 3:40 pm.