Photo by: Myke Lyons

The story below, written by my cousin, Carolyn Chase, made me fall backwards in my chair, laughing! Carolyn tells me she has often been asked many questions about what it’s like raising three boys under the age of 5. Below is her comic attempt at showing you a day in the life of a mother of three little boys. “If it seems a little chaotic, well, there you have it,” says Carolyn.

I Can Count To Three At Least One-hundred Times A Day
by Carolyn Chase

This morning was no different than the rest. I’m almost comfortable with the sound of children fighting and babies screaming. Almost. As I inched and clawed my way out of bed I mentally recited our morning routine. Change the baby, feed the baby, feed the kids. Cereal might be less messy. Get Jackson dressed for school, get Tyler dressed for the day…

“No, Jackson we are not going to Papa’s house. Because. Because you have to go to school. Because I said so, that’s why. Now, go get dressed.”

“Tyler! Get out of the fridge. I’m going to feed you in a little bit.”

Oh my goodness, there must be a gallon of poop in there! What is in breast milk that when pooped out it stains clothing for life? Breast milk doesn’t stain. Why does the poop stain?

“Tyler! Get out of the fridge! One twooooo! Thank you. Now, just sit and wait, please.”

“Jackson, go get dressed.”

Ok, feed the kids, take a shower, get the boys ready, make Jackson’s snack.

“Get off of him and go get dressed!”

“Tyler, go sit down at the table.”

I hope he goes back to sleep after I finish feeding him. He’s so cute. I love it when they kick their little feet while eating. If only I didn’t have to be stationary while breast-feeding. I wish I could be like those earthy women who strap on a snuggly and go, go, go.

“Where are your pants? Go get dressed!”

“Yes, I know you’re hungry. Let me burp Evan and then I will get you some breakfast.”

“Jackson! Get dressed!”

“Tyler, leave him alone and sit down! Leave him, get off of, let go now!”

He’s still wide-awake, but at least he’s not crying. Get the Cheerios, check Jackson’s backpack for his homework, make his snack.

“I know you don’t want Cheerios but that’s what we’re having. Because I said so.”

“Alright Tyler, I heard you. Stop repeating yourself. Yes, of course you can have some milk. Your welcome. Why don’t you have any pants on? Where are your big boy pants? Why didn’t you go pooh-pooh in the potty? Don’t sit down! Let me clean you off first!”

Great, I hope he didn’t get poop everywhere. Good, it’s just a little bit. This means that he hasn’t finished going. I wish kids came with a built in sensor that lets parent know when they need to go to the bathroom. Like a little light or something.

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you dressed yet? Come here. Put these on right now. After you get your shoes on you can go eat.”

Take a shower, feed the baby, check his backpack for his homework, clean up the clothes all over the floor.

“What happened? Clean it up. There’s a towel in the bottom drawer. How did you get it in your hair? Were you playing with your cereal? No, Jackson didn’t do it. Jackson was putting his shoes on. Alright, come on, you needed a bath anyway.”

“Jackson, can you give the baby his pacifier?”

Clean Tyler off, feed the baby, make a snack for Jackson’s homework. No, wait, check Jackson’s homework and make a snack. Take a shower, clean up the toys. Yes! He fell asleep. Good!

“Tyler? Do you have to go potty? Are you sure? Why don’t you sit on the potty and read mommy a story while she takes a shower.”

“Jackson I’m going to take a shower and Tyler is going potty. You sit and watch T.V. quietly and make sure not to wake the baby up. Thank you.”

I better make this fast before Tyler realizes his advantage. Maybe I can keep him distracted long enough to shave my armpits.

“Tyler, do you want to sing the A B C’s with me? A B C D…” Tyler? Tyler! No, you have to stay on the potty and go pooh-pooh. Come back here! One twooooo. Want to sing another song?”

Almost there, done. All right, note to self, check for a towel before I get in the shower.

“Yes you can get off the potty now. You did a good job. Yes, you can have a special treat.”

Crap, we ran out of fruit snacks. Ooh, I know, I can give him a vitamin.

“Here you go. Your welcome”

Now, where was I…

Photo by: “L-ines”

After reading my cousin’s story above, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of stories Teri Sentelle — over at Deaf Dish — deaf mom of 9 boys and 1 girl, might have to share with us!

Teri? Care to enlighten us with a story or two (or maybe ten)?

Posted by LaRonda on Wednesday, March 28th, 2007 at 4:27 pm.