This story is not mine, but I have lived parts of it a lifetime ago. This story is from a young friend of mine, a girl who is coming into her own, on the crest of womanhood, on the first legs of her sojourn into deafhood. Her poetic prose below reveals her journey, which is not unlike some of our own as deaf or deafened individuals. I share her questions, emotions and insights with you below.
Photo by: “LoVe”
I Must KnowThere’s more to your stories than just words. Right?
There’s more to a song than just the melody.
There’s more to the earth than just the grass.
So there’s more to being Deaf than just not hearing.
Besides all the ups and downs…… like your stuck on a roller coaster.
Just like the one at Great America
that hurts your ears so bad
and the inside of your heart jumps out…It seems as though you’re stuck on the loop (deaf)
and the other cart is zooming right past you (hearing).You know you’re not slow and you’re
a perfectly normal (well I think) teenager.
But there’s more.
There just has to be.A child isn’t a child forever.
A hearing person won’t always stay a hearing person,
But a Deaf person will always stay Deaf???Nothing is satisfying
and the Fear of Death,
Rejection,
Misunderstanding,
the Frustration of others,and most of all your inner heart
that has been broken too many times to count.The long days locked in a sound proof room
where you are suppose to be practicing your music
but instead you find yourself signing.Or the days your mother is yelling at you
to turn down the music.
To take off the caption.The love that was once there
but you destroyed.Nothing is right in a hearing persons eyes.
If you don’t have a top model body,
the belly button pierced,
the black nail polish,
the acceptance of Straight, Gay, Lesbian,
Homosexual, Transsexual,
and who knows how many more
you are considered abnormal.If you do not pass certain grades,
if you do not like boys,
if you are not dating when you are sixteen,
you are considered not normal.So tell me there’s more to my life.
I was born premature,
became anorexic,
was near to death,
and then the obstacle of my hearing
that I still hope for to come back.I still have one good ear
but the problem is I’m so used to
not hearing people with the other
I tend to turn it off with out knowing it.So maybe there’s more to life
than just each obstacle I go through.
Maybe there’s more than just life.
Maybe there’s something I’m missing
that we are born here to do
and then we die.Yea sounds like a story with out an end.
There has got to be a reason beyond the grave.
A reason that has to be found.
So why do we choose to live tomorrow
when we know each day hurts more?We consider the love of our dear ones
that are the ones who breaks our hearts.
Not everybody has a family like yours.
Your aunt supported you, mine doesn’t.
She even hates it when I sign.
What does she call it???
Oh yes, a Language with a code
that is too complicated for her to learn.That’s right but I’m suppose to learn to lip read.
Yea, ok.See everything in life can’t be as sweet as it looks.
No, not everything in life is bad,
but not everything in life is good.
Some things are just too hard to get
which is why they always say you’ll understand
when you get older.So I’m older and I still don’t get it.
So I’m Deaf and nobody understands
and they are all hearing
and I can’t explain it.RIGHT
My name is LaRonda Zupp.
I am Deaf. Welcome to
"The Ear of My Heart."
The feeling never quite goes away. “Why me?” No matter which way you aim your priorities, you are still the person that you were born to be. I wish there was an answer, I would be more than happy to support it. Someday perhaps we will understand why a few of us were chosen. Until then, “Keep On Truckin!”
Left by Lantana on March 16th, 2007
Beautiful poem.
Left by Jessica on March 17th, 2007
Took my breath away….This young person is deep. She is fortunate to have you to channel her talents through your blogsite for others to gain insight about deafened youth. This poet is such a profound person at tender age. She will soon discover a wonderful world out there just like you did. I hope to meet her someday.
Left by Julie Rems-Smario on March 18th, 2007
LaRonda-
I guess I was expecting an answer, but I’ve learned that not every question has an answer. However not every question needs one. I found that even though people don’t understand it now they will. I wasn’t expecting you to post it, but I’m glad you did. It helps others understand the true meaning of becoming Deaf. It’s not the fact that you are just losing your hearing, but the change that has to take place. I wasn’t going to comment on this one but I feel I should. I hope this opens someone’s eyes. If not other Deaf, maybe a hearing person.
I have not changed a lot. I’m still the comedian, the music player, the 3.0 student, a perfectionist in all things (well trying to be). Just because I can’t hear doesn’t mean I can’t function. It doesn’t mean that I lose my spot in this world. I’m trying to stop looking at it like we are in two worlds. Were not, were in one and only one. Unity can’t take place until we put aside our differences and help out.
I shouldn’t care when someone makes fun of me when I ask them to repeat what they said. I did it as a hearing person. It shouldn’t matter if I need an interpreter, or someone to take notes for me, or even if I can’t use the phone. People who are hearing still have needs and some even use the things we need in a different way. Some more than others.
But me losing my hearing shouldn’t matter to any one. If I was born in a foreign country with a foreign language would you treat me the same? Of course you wouldn’t. I stand out. So why are Deaf so different? Why do we have to be? We actually blend in, except we don’t say much. I’m an average person of the USA. We need to stop looking at each other like we are from a different planet. We all still hurt, and it won’t stop. “Feeling deeply is the key and yea sometimes it does hurt to feel.” (taken from “Amused” at CVHS ASL variety show)
Left by Moley on March 25th, 2007