Photo by: “Esther G.”

I continued to wonder in the months ahead if my hearing would ever return… Many tears followed that first year after losing my hearing, and I wrapped myself in my own arms often as I grieved.

Photo by: Seymore Sinn

…One path was clearly the more commonly traveled one, while the other “less traveled” path was unfamiliar and perhaps more difficult. Yet, in choosing the road less traveled, the poet looks back and knows he had made the right decision, as his journey has been a more personally satisfying one….

I began to feel something awaken in me, another moment of truth….

….perhaps I did have a choice about how I traveled this path. I could journey with courage or with fear….

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Deaf, Deafhood, Family, Grief, Health, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, Meaning, Music, My Story, Spiritual, Support | 5 Comments »

…WHY, MAMA?! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?! WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS STUPID HEARING LOSS?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!…WHY MEEEE?! …WHYYYY?!” I sobbed in protest…

Photo by: Ken Douglas

Mama stayed with me as I wrestled with my demons. Steadfast, she listened to me as I cast the torment from my heart. She was the anchor that stayed me while I rocked with the stormy waves of my own rage on my water bed. She was my lighthouse, my buoy and bell, steering me clear and away from the jagged rocks.

Photo by: “_mpd_”

And I saw God’s light in her face….

…and I remembered from whence I came.

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Deaf, Family, Grief, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, Meaning, Music, My Story, Parenting, Spiritual, Support | 4 Comments »

Photo by: Stardog Champion

I think my friend came with a hidden agenda. He was extraordinarily curious about the science of my hearing loss. He wanted to know just how much I could hear, especially as it related to hearing music. He decided to do a little test. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the pitch pipe he always carried with him….

…“I’m going to play a note on the pitch pipe,” he told me. “Tell me if you can hear it.”

…“I’m not sure I can,” I tried to explain. There were so many sounds going on in my head from the tinnitus. I wasn’t sure if I was hearing the pitch pipe or the ringing in my ears….

….It was a moment of truth….

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Deaf, Grief, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, Meaning, Music, My Story | No Comments »

About a month after I got my new hearing aids, I was sent to a lipreading class at the local university. A preppy female college student who was majoring in speech pathology worked with me. I remember her well. Her smile was big and bright, but more importantly, her teeth were straight and clean, which I was secretly thankful for, since I would be watching her talk.

Photo by: K. Nicoll

I had become more aware of people’s teeth now that I had to rely on lip-reading. I found myself suddenly disturbed when I had to focus on a mouth with yellowed or horribly shaped teeth and I was disgusted by how many people have thin strings of saliva in the front or back of their mouths when they speak that never seem to disappear. Yuck!

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Deaf, Grief, Health, Hearing Loss, Humor, Late-Deaf, Meaning, Miscellaneous, Music, My Story, Support | 1 Comment »

Photo by: “Patrice”

The second month following my release from the hospital was marked by that all-powerful first trip to an audiologist to be fitted for hearing aids. This was as dreadful as it was exciting…

Ironically, while most sounds were too soft to hear, sometimes they were too loud to stand!

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Deaf, Grief, Health, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, My Story, Support | 1 Comment »

There are many moving stories in the late-deafened community about the life-altering experience of losing one’s hearing as an adult. Yet, we don’t often hear stories of what it is like when a teenager loses his or her hearing. I associate losing my hearing at the age of 17 with the legendary Phoenix. Legend says this mythical bird sets itself on fire and then rises from its own ashes, born anew. For in the days ahead, following the illness that took my hearing, the person I knew myself to be would disappear, and along with the profound discovery of silence, a new identity would emerge.

Photo by: “Dana”

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ASL - Sign Language, Deaf, Grief, Health, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, Meaning, Miscellaneous, Music, My Story, Spiritual, Support | 6 Comments »

Photo by: “mahalie”

I had several male visitors the first couple months after I returned home from the hospital. I had no idea why. My girlfriends didn’t even come to visit. Why were the guys coming over? They were boys whom I knew in high school, whom had no previous romantic interest in me. ‘Why now?’ I wondered. I tried chatting and writing with each of them, but I never did feel any genuine interest from them. There was always a feeling of pity and obligation, as if Mama or one of my girlfriends told them to come over and ask me out so that I would feel normal. I had to wonder. It just wasn’t fun. ‘No more pity dates!’ I told myself.

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Deaf, Grief, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, My Story | 1 Comment »