As he was passing through our campsite, this delightful young man in the red bandanna thanked my little cousin for teaching him about the ways of sleeping fish. Then he introduced himself to my aunt. His name was Brent, and he was even cuter up close! I tried to look preoccupied taking pictures because I assumed conversation would be difficult. But soon, my aunt began waving at me to get my attention, and I had to give eye contact.
“‘Ronda! ‘Ronda!” my aunt hollered. “Come meet this boy! He lives near you!” I was briefly embarrassed, but decided to seize the opportunity to check this guy out!
As I approached him, I noticed he was a little taller than I originally thought, and he seemed a little older. I learned that he was 19, six months older than me. He had the sweetest eyes and a really cute smile. I was especially drawn to his long, silky-black hair tied back in that red bandanna. (Very sexy!)
Brent was very polite as we introduced ourselves. To my relief, I was able to lip-read him quite well. I learned that our families did live about 5 miles from each other down in the Central Valley. I also discovered we graduated the same year, in 1981. When he told me he had gone to the local private Catholic High School in town, I mentioned that I had gone to one of the local Catholic Elementary Schools when I was younger. We laughed when we discovered we both knew some of the same people. When he learned I was in my school musical Godspell during my senior year, he told me that he had come to see it with several of his classmates. He thought he even remembered me in the part I played. “What a small world,” I said.
After talking briefly, Brent excused himself while we got ready to eat our camp meal. This gave me a chance to absorb what I was feeling. I was surprised at how quickly I was smitten with Brent. I really felt a vibe between us. Whether it was love at first sight or just hormones, I could not tell, but the chemistry was definitely there!
I shared my impressions with my aunt, who listened with a wide grin. Auntie, perhaps a hidden matchmaker in disguise, was to play a big part in bringing Brent and I together. She decided that after we ate and cleaned up, she would send my little cousin over to invite Brent and his family to our campsite for some hot cocoa, roasted marshmallows, campfire songs, and fireside chats.
To our excitement, Brent and his family happily obliged. After introductions and hot cocoa, my aunt began leading us in hokey, but fun campfire tunes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hear what pitch she started with, and because I didn’t want to sing off key, I merely mouthed the words. Brent was sitting nearby and kept encouraging me to sing along. But I still didn’t sing out loud. How can I explain this? I wondered. I had not yet told him of my hearing loss. I was afraid to. I remembered the horrible feeling of rejection I had experienced when I told that cute guy in the cafeteria in college about my hearing loss. I didn’t want a replay of that experience.
When my aunt split us up into groups to sing a song in rounds, it became very clear that I was only lip-singing. Picking up on my discomfort, Brent subtly leaned over and asked me if I wanted to move over to the picnic table to talk rather than to sing. With great relief, I nodded eagerly, thanking him for the escape. The others continued to sing happily with only a glance and a wave in our direction.
With a flashlight in hand, I followed Brent to the nearby picnic table. I made sure that he sat facing the firelight so that I could use the fire’s glow as light to read his lips. The sky and the firelight were still bright enough so that I didn’t need to use the flashlight yet to see him.
We began to talk more about ourselves — about college, our studies and personal interests. However, I did not talk about my hearing loss. I was still too afraid of rejection. I was able to carry on conversation through lip-reading, without revealing my secret. Brent merely thought my intense eye contact was flirtacious.
At one point in our conversation, Brent said that he had noticed me taking pictures earlier and had asked me about my interest in photography. I told him I loved to take pictures, but that I didn’t have very good equipment or the cash flow to really make it a hobby. As we talked more, I learned that photography was not only Brent’s hobby, it shaped how he looked at the world. As he described his interest, I realized how artistic and visual he was. This drew me in even more.
As we proceeded to get to know one another, I was in awe at how much we had in common. At one point, I surprised myself by blurting out, “Wow! Where have you been all my life?” We both chuckled and blushed.
As we continued to share, we learned we were both avid journal writers. In fact, we had each brought our journals with us to Fresno Dome. In my journal, I had written a number of questions that I had taken from a game I had at home that was designed to stimulate personal exploration and deeper insight into yourself and those around you. I had been using these questions as journal topics. Suddenly, they seemed perfect to use as conversation starters with Brent. What fates lead me to write down these questions? I thought to myself. They were the perfect tool for Brent and I to get to know each other more deeply.
With the help of the game questions, we talked of many things. Fortunately, I was still able to lip-read Brent very well. Not once did I mention my hearing loss during that first timeless hour of conversation, but I worried about it constantly. I was nervous that I would misunderstand him, and I didn’t want to overwhelm him with my gaze.
As the sun began to set and the firelight grew dimmer, I began having trouble seeing Brent’s mouth clearly. It was time to use my flashlight, but how would I do this without giving myself away? For a moment, I felt like a fraud. But then, I told Brent that I liked looking at his face, which was true, and wanted to see him better. Brent had no problem with me turning on the flashlight, since I angled it to the side rather than pointing it directly at his face. He appeared flattered.
For a while, my flashlight did the trick and we were able to carry on conversation in its glow. The more he talked, the more I was smitten by the deep, intelligent and sensitive person he was. I could feel my heart flutter. Later, my aunt told me I looked quite “twitter-pated.”
Within the next hour, we finally met our first communicative challenge. I asked Brent about his faith and belief in God. He took a moment to think deeply before answering. With his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand, his fingers slid across his lips as he carefully chose the words he wanted to say. I was incredibly interested in his response, but as long as he continued to talk through his fingers, I couldn’t read his lips!
What do I do? Do I tell him the truth, that I have a hearing loss and need him to move his hands away from his mouth so I can lip-read? What if it turns him off like it did the good-looking guy who sat across from me in the cafeteria at the city college? Will he think any less of me for having not told him yet? Will he only see my ears and stop seeing ME? Will I still be attractive or will he reject me? Am I still loveable with a hearing loss? These thoughts, which had constantly haunted me, were now swirling around in my head.
I had to make a quick decision. Relying on the positive energy and intimate personal stories we had shared thus far, I took a leap of faith and decided to gently interrupt him and let him know of my situation. My heart was pounding! Lifting my long hair away from my ears to reveal one of my hearing aids, I proceeded to tell Brent that I had a hearing loss, and that I had been reading his lips all along.
“Because I can’t hear, I need to read lips. What you’re saying is important to me. I have trouble understanding you when your hands and fingers are blocking your mouth.” At first, Brent seemed puzzled, but as he viewed my hearing aid, he quickly apologized, moved his hands away from his mouth and sat on them with a chuckle.
Courageously, I explained that I had been afraid to tell him right away for fear of rejection. I told him of my experience with the guy who sat next to me in the college cafeteria until he learned I had a hearing loss, and made a quick get-away.
But Brent was different. He tenderly reached out, touched my arm, and reassured me that he wasn’t going anywhere. He was now incredibly intrigued and wanted to know how I had lost my hearing.
So, I began to tell my tale about extremely high fevers that lasted almost a week, my proceeding kidney failure, and the ototoxic side effects of two powerful medications given to help me survive the rare illness Toxic Shock Syndrome. The doctors who treated me knew of the possible side effects, but it was a choice of death or deaf. Brent listened intently for a long time, tears welling up in his eyes. He clearly had such a sensitive soul. He had many questions.
But soon, the flashlights were flickering and the campfire had dimmed to low embers. I no longer had light to help with lip-reading. Quickly, Brent asked me what he could do to help us continue our conversation smoothly. I asked him if he had another flashlight. Brent jumped up and ran to his campsite, returning with three more flashlights in hand! He playfully shined them right on his face at first, but then I arranged them into a circle on the table so that we could both see each other better.
Even though the flashlights cast shadows across our faces, our mutual interest and desire to communicate made our conversation work. Silhouetted by the black of the mountain night, we sat as two hearts cloaked in our own veil of radiance, oblivious to anyone but each other. The flashlight fairies continued their flickering dance, playing hopscotch over the circle of light beams between us, but leaving enough light to allow us to converse in the dark of night.
