(Ch. 47 of my storyblog of my journey into Deafhood…)
A couple of months after I had lost my hearing, and just after being fitted with hearing aids, I began my first semester at Fresno City College. I registered for 12 units of general education classes. Because some of my classes were held in large forum halls, I tried to arrive ahead of others so I could get a front row seat. I had to sit in front in order to lip-read the professors who were lecturing. While I managed to sit in the front row in most of my classes, I never heard my classmates talking or asking questions because I could never locate the speaker. The big challenge came when my professors would turn and write on the dry erase boards while speaking. I could see the words they wrote, but missed everything they said about those words.
Not surprisingly, I would arrive home each day after classes and sleep for hours. My eyes were exhausted. My brain was fried. The energy it took to try to lip-read and follow the information was enormous, and I was spent! My daily life became one of survival. I woke, ate, dressed, drove to school, strained my eyes and brain all day, came home and slept, woke to study, eat and fall asleep again. I had no social life whatsoever.
By the middle of my first semester at the community college, I had dropped 50% of my classes and was barely scraping by in the others. This had nothing to do with laziness, lack of motivation, or living a party life. I simply couldn’t keep up because I couldn’t follow what was being said, and I didn’t know how to approach my professors to let them know I couldn’t hear. For some reason, I felt ashamed. I was worried that they would judge me for not telling them of my hearing loss to begin with, or that they would tell me I didn’t belong in their class. I was afraid of rejection.
At the end of that first semester, I received a note with my semester grade report saying I had been put on academic probation for dropping so many classes. I was required to meet with a college adviser before enrolling for the next semester. This frightened me, and I was seriously thinking of dropping college altogether.
But something inside me knew it was time to get serious about my communication needs. I decided to meet with an adviser in the Enabler Services Department, which provided support for students with disabilities.
I shared my classroom experiences, and my feelings of not wanting to appear “broken.” I wanted to believe that I could go on functioning the same way I always had, hoping my hearing aids would do the trick. But it was time to get real and accept that I needed some support. Thankfully, my adviser educated me on the support services available to me as a person with a hearing loss. She validated my grief, provided me with note-takers, and most importantly, got me enrolled in ASL (American Sign Language) classes immediately.
As I began to learn sign language, my self-confidence and social life began to improve. At least I was having conversations with other ASL students. I learned quickly and my teacher was quite impressed. I was incredibly motivated to learn this language, as it kept me in touch with my world!
Once I learned signs well enough, I began using an interpreter in my college classes for sign-supported communication. My grades soon rose back up to where they had been before my hearing loss. I was beginning to feel hope that I might actually do well again in school and carve out some kind of future for myself.
Learning sign language helped me see a light at the end of the tunnel. It made all the difference!
My name is LaRonda Zupp.
I am Deaf. Welcome to
"The Ear of My Heart."
