Photo by: “mahalie”

I had several male visitors the first couple months after I returned home from the hospital. I had no idea why. My girlfriends didn’t even come to visit. Why were the guys coming over? They were boys whom I knew in high school, whom had no previous romantic interest in me. ‘Why now?’ I wondered. I tried chatting and writing with each of them, but I never did feel any genuine interest from them. There was always a feeling of pity and obligation, as if Mama or one of my girlfriends told them to come over and ask me out so that I would feel normal. I had to wonder. It just wasn’t fun. ‘No more pity dates!’ I told myself.

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Deaf, Grief, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, My Story | 1 Comment »

……Then my aunt squeezed my face once more, looked deeply in my eyes, and said with a growing authority, “Honey if you just believe, Jesus will heal you!”

Photo by: Eric Harvey Brown

….I sat dumbstruck for a moment. “IF YOU JUST BELIEVE, JESUS WILL HEAL YOU!” She said again with great conviction…. I just didn’t know exactly how to respond or what I was supposed to do…. “BELIEVE! BELIEVE IN THE HEALING POWER OF JESUS!” She expounded.

I felt intense pressure to exclaim, “I CAN HEAR!” But the only thing I could hear was the loud ringing in my ears. By then, my head was spinning and I was flushed from heat and embarrassment. I looked at Mama for help, and as always, she came to my rescue. She politely, but firmly said, “That’s enough!”

… “Mama, what if I just didn’t believe hard enough,” I cried. “Nothing happened! Maybe if I didn’t truly believe,” I sobbed….

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Deaf, Family, Grief, Health, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, Love, Meaning, My Story, Spiritual, Support | No Comments »

…The oxymoron is that after becoming deaf, I was actually learning to “listen” more deeply. I was listening with the ear of my heart.…

Photo by: Andreas Reinhold

…And so it began. I started asking anyone and everyone who came to visit me during my recovery what their experience was with my illness, and what they remembered had happened to me. I wanted their point of view. I wanted to help them with closure while they helped me open my book. From these stories, combined with my own memories of my hospital experience, I began to put the pieces together and craft my own tale to tell, which, over time, would lead toward my own healing.

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Deaf, Family, Grief, Health, Hearing Loss, Late-Deaf, Meaning, My Story, Spiritual, Support | No Comments »